Sign Of A Cheating Girlfriend
A good article if you suspect or see a sign of a cheating girlfriend. Suspect Infidelity? Find out For Sure by Sheila Henderson
Main article
We all know that it seems like everything anyone could ever want or need can be found somewhere in cyberspace. So why should the truth be any different? Many people, for different reasons, become suspicious of their spouse or partner. These feelings snowball and can become quite consuming. Why? Because most people have no idea what to do about their doubts. Hiring a private investigator in often too expensive, especially if you have no real facts to start with. Conducting one's own investigations is very risky, as the relationship can be ruined over trust issues if the feelings are wrong and you get caught snooping. Doubters need help.
As with so many things in life, infidelity investigation choices on the web are a blessing and a curse. While it is great to have so many choices, one seldom knows where to begin or what companies are legitimate and which are scams. Should you buy a book about how best to catch a cheater, download a plan of attack, hire someone to rifle through your girlfriend's garbage or follow her, or install a keystroke logger on her laptop? This myriad of choices is confusing enough without adding the hundreds of different sites into the equation.
Fortunately for you we have examined and purchased most of these products and services as well as compared many of the vendors and providers. Our results, listed below, should help you choose the best way to determine whether you are a victim of infidelity or just paranoid. Most experts in the field happen to agree with several studies suggesting that if you think your partner is cheating, you are right.
Semen Detection Kits
Honestly, if you are to the point that you need to check your partner's clothing for semen, your relationship is probably shot and wounded beyond repair. Still, if you just have to know for sure, here's what we can tell you:
Avoid Acid Phosphatase tests, also known as AP tests. The problem with such kits are twofold: The chemicals can deteriorate with time, rendering them useless, and there is a chance of false positives as substances other than semen can contain enough acid to trigger a reaction, in essence "telling" the tester that the substance is semen, when it is not. More modern test kits are now being employed by the major vendors and the six we tested were completely accurate.
Keystroke Loggers
This seems to be one of few products that can be honestly used by those suffering from the entire gamut of suspicion, from the wife who is slightly worried because her husband is spending a little more time on the computer, to the husband who hasn't seen his wife for 3 months because she's constantly locked in the den with her desktop.
When they work (and they usually do), there is little doubt about what is happening. When someone is typing out explicit sexual comments to another person over the web, and the info is caught, there is no point in denying it and it is doubtful that the software made a mistake by capturing twelve pages of erotica. Provided you can install it and later get the info from the program, this is a fairly foolproof way to obtain proof of an affair and to get some specific info about the situation--provided proof of the infidelity is being typed out. The most difficult part of using such technology is the installation and recovery, so it is important to have uninterrupted access to the computer.
Another trick is to install some other programs with no desktop icons (or a number of them, some with and some without icons) over the course of several days or a week to see if the suspected partner will notice and remove them. Some loggers do not show as programs while others have innocuous names.
Keystroke logger users should also be aware, that many AntiSpyware programs will locate and remove logging software.
Spectrasoft is a proven and trusted logger that we found easy to install and pretty user friendly. Actualspy, with it's 007 phraseology and sophomoric instructions wasn't a bet, either.
There are a few free loggers that we were unable to try that may be worth checking out. Some of the name brand services also have a free trial period.
Not so Light Reading
One of the most popular books on the subject of infidelity is Ruth Houston's Is He Cheating on You?: 829 Telltale Signs.
Despite its reliance on absurdly exaggerated numbers (75% of married men cheat) and its rehashing of the same "signs" chapter after chapter, the book does list a lot of things the non-inquisitive would likely fail to notice. And while many others are embarrassingly obvious, logic and reason are rarely the strong suit of people whose minds are constantly filled with the agony of worrying that their spouse is having sex with someone else. A perusal of the book at your local Barnes & Noble would probably serve the average spouse as well as paying the hefty price this work commands.
As for signs one can really use, our own abbreviated list of signs of infidelity is a good place to start, and it's free.
The majority of books on the subject of infidelity discovery are written in an attempt to be the reader's PI, psychologist and life coach; instead of doing one thing well (like focus on the investigative tips), they succeed only at the watered down failure of juggling too much, and usually for too long.
The bottom line is that there are many books written about various aspects of infidelity. The better ones pick an area to focus on and stick with it. Even those that stay with discovery usually nit-pick turning everything from toothpaste squeezing to ice cube numbers into definitive proof of a highly charged sexual affair.
The web is usually a much better place to find signs of cheating--both the real and the exaggerated. Many sites list for free their top ten or twenty signs, and from there anyone can begin thinking like an investigator and start digging.
Reverse Lookup
Stating an obvious truth is important here: anyone cheating is doing so with a partner. That is already so clear that it may seem quite stupid to have written it. But it is far less doltish than rushing out any buying kits, hiring investigators and the like before one knows is anything is going on. Determining that there is someone else should be the first order of business. And while communication isn't necessary if one's partner is engaging in casual sex of the one night stand variety, an actual affair requires the two of them to talk.
As the signs will tell you, communication habits changing are a huge red flag. If someone notices that their spouse suddenly takes calls in private or doesn't answer calls in front of their partner, they would do well to wonder why.
Anyone who is cheating is talking to the other person to make plans, set up a rendezvous, etc. Determining who the other person is, is vital to learning the truth. reverse lookup traces show the name, address and other info that correspond to a phone number (usually a cell number). With this info known, other, more thorough investigations can be conducted, a PI can be hired to surveil their residence or the business where they work. The cheating spouse can be seen and photographed with their "partner in crime," etc.
More obvious are strange numbers of the caller ID or on the call log of a cell phone. Newly programmed numbers in a cell phone are probably listed under some obscure business name that the cheater's partner would never find interesting, like Jim's Golf Supply.
Note: if Jim's Golf Supply shows a local number but is not in the phone book, something is likely up.
After the strange number (or numbers) has been discovered, it needs to be "broken." "Breaking" a number is skip tracing jargon for identifying it by name/address. Listed landline numbers are easy enough, but non-published and cell phone numbers require professional help. Those who contract a PI to break a few numbers had better have a lot of cash under the mattress. But a quick web search will show scores of companies who specialize in such research, or at least claim to.
Beware, these kind of investigations are fraught with lies and half-truths that will cost you money. Firstly, most of the companies advertising number tracing do nothing more than search a database that is ten years old, email you the useless, outdated info and charge your credit card--no research, and certainly no verification. Telltale signs of fraud are promises of "instant results" and access to a "cell phone database." As there is no cell phone database, there can be no results, instant or otherwise, from such a database. Anyone who wants you to enter the number in question and hit a "search" button before waiting while their system "searches" is a liar and a scam artist. The "search" usually ends with the assurance that they have found just what you need and your $25 to $90 will earn you the data.
The only real reverse lookup sites are those that actually investigate the number and return your info after they have completed the custom research required to identify it. This takes time--sometimes ten minutes, sometimes a day or so.
Reverse number tracing is by far the fastest and least expensive way to determine whether your partner is seeing someone behind your back. Although the numbers can be difficult to obtain, if there is an affair, they are certainly talking to the other person. As cell phones provide the most convenient way to communicate, and the illusion of invisibility, many cheaters call the other person during opportune times such as on their way to and from work, on their lunch break and other times when they are alone. Numbers called during these times should be treated as suspicious.
CellularTrace.com
One of the few companies that clearly states that all numbers are investigated manually. All search info returned was accurate, and they even gave us some additional info at no extra cost. The prices for their various searches were $10-25 less than many sites ($45 for a standard cellular reverse) and the information was returned the same afternoon. Comprehensive and rush phone number traces are also available.
<http://www.cellulartrace.com>;
NFR
This company has the decency to give you option of "automated" or "manual" lookup info. The former is clearly useless for cell phone research, while the latter is the only way of truly investigating cellular numbers. Our test numbers were ordered both ways over the course of 2 days and the results were mixed: a landline reverse trace returned info on the previous subscriber, while the cell number lookup info was spot on.
http:NFRinvest.net
LegalDataTracing
Primarily marketed toward attorneys and process servers, these searches, while accurate, are very expensive ($110 to reverse a cell phone number). Professional investigators are supposedly on the staff. They are well-known within the legal community as an honest, reputable company.
investigations.LegalDataTracing.com <http://investigations.LegalDataTracing.com>;
There are a number of ways to investigate potential partner. Those worried about infidelity should weigh all their options before deciding on a course of action. As with anything else, thorough research and price comparisons should be done.
About the Author
Sheila Henderson is a freelance journalist who works and writes in Huntington Beach, CA where she is pursuing a PhD.
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Sign Of A Cheating Girlfriend
